


Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐

by lunnatix_x



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Fluff, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Getting Together, Group chat, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Online Friendship, Online Romance, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, but they get solved, chatfic, its me, no death this time though, not all sunshine and rainbows, theres always gonna be angst, they have problems ok, ventfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunnatix_x/pseuds/lunnatix_x
Summary: Chatfic AU. - @ima.slut posted on the Volleyball Monthly! forum: Would anyone like to join a Biscord server for volleyball players? DM me and I’ll send you the link!Daichi stared at his computer screen and sighed, turning to look at the clock on his wall. 11:58pm. Oh well, he thought, stretching his arms out, it wouldn’t hurt to try.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 48
Kudos: 137





	1. Welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who’s back with another work~ This time it’s based off my personal experiences! At the beginning of quarantine, I saw a post asking if people wanted to join a group chat for Haikyuu and I joined, and now I’ve met some pretty great people!
> 
> This entire work is based off personal experiences and/or conversations I’ve had in real life, give or take a few things for plot purposes. I’m all for crackfics, but I need some sort of plot in order to enjoy writing it so expect some angst ;)
> 
> This is also kind of a ventfic for me, something that I can write when I’m having writers block on certain works *cough* The Secret Service *cough* so I’m not sure how often I’ll update- as usual though, there should be at least one update every month :)
> 
> (I’m also still playing around with formatting so I’m sorry if the format seems kind of... off)

Daichi tossed and turned in his sleep, unable to get proper rest. He kept telling himself to stop being so restless and that overthinking things was irrational, but he knew it wouldn’t do him any good. This was his last week of holidays before the new school year began, and that meant club activities would also resume.  
  
Daichi had been chosen to become the captain of the volleyball club in his third year of high school, and he was more than determined to make sure that Karasuno would make it to nationals this year. His third year members were more than competent, his second years... not so much- but they were strong.  
  
So what if they lost to Date Tech terribly the previous year?  
  
“Oh who am I kidding.” He groaned out loud, sitting up on his bed.  
  
Deciding that he wasn’t going to get much sleep, he got up and went over to his desk, opening up the Volleyball Monthly! forum so that he could read up on new techniques he might want to try to learn for the new year.  
  
While scrolling through, he found a post that piqued his interest.

  
  
**@ima.slut** posted on the Volleyball Monthly! forum: Would anyone like to join a Biscord server for volleyball players? DM me and I’ll send you the link!

  
  
Daichi stared at his computer screen and sighed, turning to look at the clock on his wall. 11:58pm. _Oh well_ , he thought, stretching his arms out, _it wouldn’t hurt to try._ _  
_  
He clicked on the user’s profile and opened up a new chat between them.

  
  
**thighs**  
Hi there, you posted something about a Biscord server for volleyball players? I’m quite interested, so I’d appreciate it if you’d share with me the link. :)

  
  
**ima.slut**  
Hi! I’m glad you want to join! Here’s the link:  
https://biscord.gg/######

  
  
**thighs**  
Thanks :)

  
  
Daichi clicked on the link and watched as a new tab was opened.

* * *

  
**_29 March 2012: Volleyball’s Bitches_ ** 🥩🏐

  
**➞ thighs just landed.**

**  
**  
**thighs** :

Hello?

  
  
**Ima slut** :

WELCOME!

  
  
**thighs** :

Oh, you’re the person who posted on the forum?

  
  
**Ima slut** :

yep! that’s me! welcome to Volleyball's Bitches 🥩🏐 chat.  
we currently have a grand total of three members, the other member being _@certified dumbass_

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

HEYHEYHEY  
i saw ur message on the forum and i was like  
OOOH THIS SOUNDS COOL  
like none of my other friends have biscord  
how boring right?

  
**ima slut** :

same, all of mine are NORMIES

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

...  
omg  
i love you marry me

  
  
**ima slut** :

sure, when and where?

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

right here right now

  
  
**ima slut** :

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  
**thighs** :

I already regret this

  
  
**➞ Everyone welcome i’m gay.**

**  
** **➞ Welcome, hi gay I’m dad. We hope you brought pizza.**

 **  
**  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

OwO

  
  
**i’m gay** :

what’s this?

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

HEY HEY HEY  
MORE PEOPLE!

  
  
**thighs** :

Hi there...

  
  
**ima slut** :

HEY I KNOW YOU TWO  
YOU SENT ME THAT DAT BOI MEME

  
  
**i’m gay** :

omg, i know you too  
...  
wait no i dont we sent that meme to a shit ton of peopel on the forum

  
  
**thighs** :

Oh no this was definitely a mistake

  
  
**➞ cash hopped into the server.**

**  
**  
**thighs** :

Please tell me you’re sane.

  
  
**cash** :

Sweetie, with my volleyball team, it’d be impossible to be sane.  
Fortunately for you though, yes, I am.

  
  
**thighs** :

Thank god.

  
  
**ima slut** :

OI WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

WE’RE TOTALLY SANE

  
  
**i’m gay** :

nah i’m not

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

according to my therapist i’m borderline psychotic

  
  
**i’m gay** :

wait actually

  
  
**cash** :

Why are you talking like their opinion isn’t very valid?

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

she has questionable ethics.

  
  
**thighs** :

?

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

...  
she’s a trump supporter.

  
  
**thighs** :

oh

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

oh

  
  
**ima slut** :

oh

  
  
**cash** :

oh

  
  
**i’m gay** :

you’re not even american

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

exactly.

  
  
**i’m gay** :

... oh

  
  
**ima slut** :

wait do you guys know each other irl?

  
  
**i’m gay** :

yeah we go to the same school

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

we saw your post and decided it’d be fun to join

  
  
**ima slut** :

oh? are you guys Japanese?

  
  
**i’m gay** :

i’m pretty sure everyone here is-  
i mean we were all on the Japanese Volleyball Monthly forum

  
  
**ima slut** :

oh right

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

HAHA AND I THOUGHT I WAS THE DUMBASS

  
  
**thighs** :

no, you are

  
  
**ima slut** :

yep

  
  
**cash** :

you most definitely are.

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

…

:(

  
**  
** **ima slut** :

jk bro  
i love you  
... bro?  
are we still getting married?  
YO

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

sorry i had to call a friend real quick  
yes bro, we’re still getting married

  
  
**ima slut** :

yay!  
<3

  
  
**i’m gay** :

:0

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

do i sense

  
  
**i’m gay** :

a bromance?

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

HELL YES

  
  
**cash** :

just a question  
you guys said you go to the same school?

  
**  
** **hi gay I’m dad** :

ye

  
  
**cash** :

what school do you guys go to?

  
  
**thighs** :

WAIT

  
  
**cash** :

?

  
  
**thighs** :

YOU SHOULDN’T JUST SAY WHAT SCHOOL YOU GO TO  
THERE COULD BE PEDOPHILES HERE  
From now on its forbidden for anyone to share any personal information about themselves like their address or what school they go to  
Have I made myself clear

  
  
**ima slut** :

yes dad

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

yes dad

  
  
**i’m gay** :

yes dad

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

yes dad

  
  
**cash** :

yes dad

  
  
**thighs** :

good

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

are we gonna ignore how he just accepted the fact that we called him dad

  
  
**thighs** :

I’ve embraced it at this point.

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

but wait, what about our names and ages?

  
  
**thighs** :

...  
I guess that’s fine- although I’m sure that most of us go by online alias’ anyway  
As for your age, if you’re comfortable then go ahead

  
**  
** **ima slut** :

speaking of which  
INTRODUCTION TIME!  
just state your name (or alias), age (if you want), pronouns, whether you play volleyball (and what position), and a fun fact about yourself because why not

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

OKAY I’LL GO FIRST!  
i go by Hoot online, i’m 17 years old, he/him and i do play volleyball! actually i’m the captain of my team and the ace- a wing spiker! a fun fact about me is uhhhhhhhhh i like owls i guess?

  
  
**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

  
  
**ima slut** :

ooh! hi Hoot! my future husband UwU  
i’ll go next  
y’all can just call me Slut cuz thats what i am, im also 17, i go by he/him and i also play volleyball! im also captain but im a middle blocker :3 a fun fact about me is that people think i like cats, but im actually more of a dog person!

  
  
**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

  
  
**cash** :

Guess I’ll go?  
Um, just call me Cash, it’s basically my nickname in real life anyway. I’m currently 16. I am also a he/him and I play setter. A fun fact about me is that... I like nanohana no kirashiae?

  
  
**ima slut** :

nice

  
  
**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

  
  
**thighs** :

Since I know that the other two are gonna make you lose brain cells

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

rude

  
  
**i’m gay** :

veyr rude

  
  
**thighs** :

I’ll go next.  
Call me Thighs I guess, I’m 17, he/him, I’m captain and wing spiker- a fun fact I guess is I’m basically coach of my team? We currently don’t have a coach so I’m taking over that role until we find one.

  
**  
** **certified dumbass:**

WOAH **  
** THATS DEDICATION  
I COULD NEVER

  
  
**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

is it my turn yet? :3

  
  
**ima slut** :

...  
go ahead

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

YAY  
hi, i’m dad :)  
i just turned 18 in january, i go by he/him uhh i’m a wing spiker aaaaand a fun fact is that cream puffs are life :)

  
  
**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

  
  
**ima slut** :

that was much more normal than i expected

  
  
**i’m gay** :

ikr. im so disappointed

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

sorry babe

  
  
**i’m gay** :

:(

  
  
**thighs** :

wait, are you guys dating?

  
  
**i’m gay** :

pff no

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

ew no

  
  
**thighs** :

...  
ok.

  
  
**i’m gay** :

MY TURN!  
hi, i’m gay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i just turned 18 too, im he/him and middle blocker! a fun fact is that i love Annie from Defend on Titan  
she is the reason why I sexually Identify as an overused sexually identification copypasta. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of spamming other users with my unfunny wall of text. People say to me that a person who does this is a laughable idiot and I'm fucking stupid but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having these words glued all over my body. From now on I want people to refer to me as an overused sexually identification copypasta as my preferred pronouns and respect my right to paste unfunny sexually identification copypastas to reddit in hope of receiving virtual internet points. If you can't accept me you're funny and mentally stable and need to check your choice of subreddits. Thank you for being so understanding.

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

i’m so proud my son

  
  
**i’m gay** :

thanks dad :’)

  
  
**cash** :

...

  
  
**thighs** :

I-

  
  
**ima slut** :

... well then

  
  
**📌 ima slut pinned a message to this channel.** **_See all the pins_ ** .

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

so what do we do now?

  
  
**ima slut** :

idk  
the author didn’t think this far forward

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

what

  
  
**ima slut** :

nothing  
so  
why are y’all still awake?

  
  
**cash** :

insomnia

  
  
**thighs** :

stressed

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

a fucked up sleep schedule

  
  
**i’m gay** :

^

  
  
**ima slut** :

…

hbu, hoot?

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

:)

  
  
**ima slut** :

...  
ok.

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

anyway, Gay and i are gonna go sleep, we’ve got plans for tomorrow

  
  
**i’m gay** :

nice meeting you all! bye!

  
  
**certified dumbass** :

BYEEEEEE!

  
  
**ima slut** :

bye!!

  
  
**thighs** :

Goodnight!

  
**thighs** :

Well  
Since we’re here I hope you guys don’t mind if I ask you a question?

  
  
**ima slut** :

shoot

  
  
**thighs** :

So I’m gonna be captain this year, right?  
And I just don’t know if I’m gonna... make a good one?

  
  
**ima slut** :

a h, doubt

  
  
**thighs** :

My school hasn’t been to nationals in a long time-  
and like, yeah

  
**  
** **ima slut** :

well ive only got one piece of advice for you  
just focus on the present  
school hasnt even started yet

theres no telling what’s gonna happen k?  
you should just take it as it comes  
and you might find its not as bad as you think

  
  
**thighs** :

that  
is surprisingly helpful  
Thank you.

  
  
**ima slut** :

anytime

  
  
**thighs** :

I guess I should sleep too :)

  
  
**ima slut** :

Goodnight!  
  


* * *

  
  
Daichi looked up at his clock again and almost choked. It was nearly 2am. He sighed and shut his computer down. At least Slut had some advice that would help him sleep better at night. He got up and returned to his bed, finding sleep came a lot easier than before.

  
When Daichi woke the next morning, the first thing he did was check the Biscord server to check for any new messages. Much to his delight, there were some more from new members.  
  


* * *

  
  
**_30 March, 2012: Volleyball’s Bitches 🥩🏐_**

**R3Fr3Shing** :

i mean, he is definitely gay tho

  
**  
** **why am I here** :

IKR  
LIKE SIR PLS MARRY ME

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

i preferred 707 tho

jumin was hot  
but seven was HOT

  
  
**why am I here** :

his bad ending tho...

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

his GOOD ENDING THO

  
  
**why am I here** :

fair enough

  
  
**Thighs** :

Good morning

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

OOH! NEW PERSON!  
or well old person  
hi, im Refreshing :)

  
**  
** **why am I here** :

i’m Sen ^^

  
  
**thighs** :

I’m thighs :)

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

what a nice name  
... ?

  
  
**thighs** :

yeah, it was an inside joke that went too far

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

ah  
that reminds me of one of my inside jokes lol  
first years, amirite?

  
  
**thighs** :

pfff  
Yeah, they get wilder every year

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

IKR  
IM SO SCARED FOR THIS YEARS

  
**  
** **why am I here** :

god i’ve already met my new first years  
they’re cute ig  
one of them is really looking up to our ace  
cant wait to see him get disappointed

  
  
**thighs** :

I-

  
  
**why am I here** :

shhh

  
  
**thighs** :

...  
ok.

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

are y’all ready for school?  
im not

  
  
**thighs** :

me neither

  
  
**why am I here** :

i can’t believe its my last year already

  
  
**thighs** :

ah, you’re a third year?

  
  
**why am I here** :

yep

  
  
**thighs** :

same

  
  
**R3fr3shing** :

SAME!

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

GOOD MORNING!

  
  
**thighs** :

good morning!  
where’s your other half?

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

he’s busy  
just me today </3

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

HI! I’m Refreshing!

  
**  
** **hi gay I’m dad** :

ah, just what i need, it’s a hot day today

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

I-

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  
**➞ I like balls is here.**

**  
**  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

wtf  
i love ur username dude  
very sexy

  
  
**I like balls** :

Thanks.  
I like balls very much.

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

*spits water out*

  
  
**why am I here** :

oh dear sweetie no

  
  
**I like balls** :

??

  
  
**thighs** :

it’s nothing, ignore them

  
**  
** **I like balls** :

... ok?

  
  
**➞ what if I’m the monster? just slid into the server.**

**  
**  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

WHAT IF I’M THE MONSTAAAAAAAAA

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

THAT’S BEEN HERE ALL ALONG

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

omg  
i love gabbie hana  
i mean i dont support her  
but making fun of her gives me quality entertainment

  
**  
** **what if I’m the monster?** :

IKR  
HAVE YOU SEEN THAT TOK TIK WHERE SHE JUST STARTS SINGING?

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

Y E S

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

FUCKING LOVE IT

  
**  
** **hi gay I’m dad** :

HAVE YOU SEEN THE HARMONIES PEOPLE MADE?

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

YES  
THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

i-  
_@i’m gay_ i’m breaking up with you

  
  
**I’m gay** :

wha

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

im breaking uo with u i found someone new

  
  
**I’m gay** :

b-but babe  
i biught you crewm puffs

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

…

i love u nvm sorry monster

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

its all g  
i have my eyes on someone

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

also babe  
whats with the spelling errors

  
  
**I’m gay** :

m driving

  
  
**thighs** :

GET OFF YOUR PHONE- DON’T DRIVE AND TEXT

  
  
**i’m gay** :

... yes dad

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

LWHDKEJFKEKKD DAD?

  
  
**thighs** : dont ask

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

but daaaaad  
ur stupid

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

you shouldn’t talk to your dad like that

  
**  
** **what if I’m the monster?** :

...

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

...

  
  
**why am I here** :

...

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

okaasan?

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

why

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

wynaut

  
  
**thighs** :

anyway, _@I like balls @what if I’m the monster?_ introduce yourselves

  
**  
** **I like balls** :

I believe that I am referred to as Waka, but I have many nicknames I have lost count.

  
**  
** **what if I’m the monster?** :

i’m the Monster :D

  
  
**➞ Glad you’re here, time to die children.**

**  
**  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

what-

  
  
**time to die children** :

my friend made me read killing stalking.

  
  
**why am I here** :

no-

  
  
**time to die children** :

h e l p

  
  
**why am I here** :

i’m so sorry  
how dare they

  
  
**i’m gay** :

omg sangwoo no 🙈

  
  
**thighs** :

are you still driving?

  
  
**i’m gay** :

no sir

  
  
**thighs** :

ok food  
good*

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

AKFJJFJKSKF FOOD

  
  
**time to die children** :

im Boo btw.

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

hi boo!

  
  
**time to die children** :

hi

  
  
**➞ A wild gwumpy cat appeared!**

**  
**  
**gwumpy cat** :

i dont know why im here  
but hi  
im kat

  
  
**why am I here** :

are you a girl?

  
  
**gwumpy cat** :

👁👄👁

no

i just like the name

  
**  
** **why am I here** :

oh  
sorry i didnt mean to be rude

  
  
**gwumpy cat** :

all g

  
  
**thighs** :

ah  
my mum is calling me  
bye guys

  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :

byeee!!

  
  
**why am I here** :

bye

  
  
**time to die children** :

bye

  
**  
** **what if I’m the monster?** :

BYEEEE

* * *

  
  
Daichi turned his phone off and ran down the stairs to the living room where his mother was sitting. “What did you need?” He asked, sitting down on the couch beside her.  
  
“Do you mind getting some groceries for me?” She asked, changing the channel on the television and giving him a small smile.  
  
“Of course not.” Daichi replied, getting up to grab his things. “What do you need?”  
  
“Just some milk and salmon, please.” She replied.  
  
Daichi nodded. “Alright, I’ll be out for a bit. Don’t forget to take your medication, okay?”  
  
She flashed him another smile. Daichi took that as a reply as he put his shoes on and walked outside.  
  
“Daichi?”  
  
Daichi looked to his left and almost jumped, recognising the familiar petite face and tuffs of light grey hair. “Hey Suga.” He greeted, waving at the shorter boy. “What’re you doing here?”  
  
“Ah, I was just walking past.” Suga smiled. “How about you?”  
  
“I’m headed for the supermarket.” He explained. “Want to join me?”  
  
Suga shrugged, putting his phone into his pocket. “Why not.”  
  
The two started walking over to the supermarket, making small talk along the way.  
  
“Are you ready for school to start?” Daichi eventually asked as they crossed the street. “I know I’m not.”  
  
Suga smiled at him. “You’re worried about being captain?”  
  
Daichi smiled sheepishly back. “Yeah, I am.”  
  
“Don’t worry.” Suga said, giving him a pat on the back. “Don’t forget, you have us behind your back too, okay? If you ever need help remember we’re always right there.”  
  
Daichi nodded. “Thanks Suga.”  
  
“Anything for you.”  
  
Daichi felt his cheeks heat up at the comment. He looked away so that Suga hopefully wouldn’t see his face. “Um- say, would you like to stay for dinner? I’ll make some hot pot.”  
  
Suga grinned at him. “How can I say no to hot pot?”  
  
Daichi laughed. “Fair enough.”

* * *

  
**_30 March 2020: Not Dumbasses™ _ ** **_  
_ ** **hi gay I’m dad** :

so you’re telling me that we know everyone in the chat?

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

WELL YES THATS WHAT IM SAYING

  
  
**i’m gay** :

think about it, Makki, all of us play volleyball  
it wouldnt be a surprise that we’ve played against each other before

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

I-  
thats true...

  
  
**i’m gay** :

so, who’s who?

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

well, ‘why am I here’ is obviously semi, he’s obsessed with mystic messenger and you guys said they were talking about it earlier

‘time to die children’ is shirabu- i made him read killing stalking

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

amazing

  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :

ikr  
‘I like balls’ is wakatoshi there’s no doubt there

  
  
**i’m gay** :

yeah i see that

  
**  
** **hi gay I’m dad** :

thighs said his team didn’t have a coach right?  
karasuno doesn’t have a coach

  
  
**i’m gay** :

yeah

  
**  
** **what if I’m the monster?** :

hehehe this is gonna be so much fun

  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :

ikr

  
  
**i’m gay** :

operation undercover officially begins

  
**  
** **hi gay I’m dad** :

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
  
**i’m gay** :

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
**  
** **what if I’m the monster**?:

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time:  
> ➞ Never gonna give James Charles up. Never gonna let James Charles down.
> 
> James Charles:  
> YAHOO~ (´ ∀ ` *)
> 
> cash:  
> oh no  
> he uses kaomojis
> 
> ima slut:  
> oh shit he didn’t use capital letters
> 
> certified dumbass:  
> MAYDAY MAYDAY
> 
> cash:  
> fuck  
> you  
> all


	2. In Which Daichi Realises He’s Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back again because I’m still procrastinating over the next chapter of The Secret Service!
> 
> I’d just like to add a few things about this chapter.  
> 1) Oikawa being stuck as James Charles is inspired by my friend tricking me into changing my Instagram name to nutsack- I realised too late that you can’t change your name for 14 days after changing it so I was stuck as nutsack for 14 days :)  
> 2) Oikawa is based off me by the way, everything he says is something that I’ve said at some point. Bokuto is based off my friend Jely and Suga is based off my friend Alina ❥
> 
> Enjoy!

“I’m home!” Daichi called out as he walked through the front door and started taking his shoes off. Suga followed behind him, calling out a “pardon the intrusion!” as he started taking his shoes off too. At the sound of Suga’s voice, Daichi watched his mother’s head pop up from behind the couch.  
  
Her eyes brightened when she saw him. “Hello, Suga! Nice seeing you again.”  
  
Suga bowed to her. “I hope you don’t mind, Daichi invited me for dinner.”  
  
“No, it’s all okay.” She said, turning her attention back to the television. “What will you be making, Dai-chan?”  
  
“Hot pot.” Daichi said, making his way to the kitchen. He placed the shopping bag onto the table and pulled out a pot and portable stove, setting it down on the dining table.  
  
He heard some clacking as he watched his mother make her way to the dining room, Suga assisting her by holding her waist as she tried to use her new crutches. Daichi smiled, he was glad that Suga was quite possibly the nicest person he has and ever will meet in life. He was lucky to have him in life.

_Wait_ , he thought, heat rising up to his cheeks. _That’s kinda gay..._  
  


* * *

  
**_30th March, 2012: Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_ ** **certified dumbass** :  
COUNTRY ROADS  
  
**ima slut** :  
TAKE ME HOME  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
TO THE PLACE  
  
**ima slut** :  
I BELONG  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
WEST VIRGINIA  
  
**ima slut** :  
MOUNTAIN MAMA  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
TAKE ME HOME  
  
**ima slut** :  
COUNTRY ROADS  
  
**cash** :  
Why am I here?  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
at least we’re stuck here together  
  
**cash** :  
fair enough  
  
**➞ Never gonna give James Charles up. Never gonna let James Charles down.** **  
**  
**James Charles** :  
YAHOO~ (´ ∀ ` *)  
  
**cash** :  
oh no  
he uses kaomojis  
  
**ima slut** :  
oh shit he didn’t use capital letters  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
MAYDAY MAYDAY  
  
**cash** :  
fuck  
you  
all  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
you’re... james charles?  
  
**James Charles** :  
i was joking around with some of my online friends  
and changing our names  
and then it said ‘i was changing my name too fast’  
so im stuck like this  
for the next hour  
  
**ima slut** :  
RIP IN PEACE  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
poor u  
  
**James Charles** :  
( ；∀；)  
  
**cash** :  
Are the Kaomojis necessary...?  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
oh thank god  
he’s back  
  
**ima slut** :  
so  
whats ur name _@James Charles_  
  
**James Charles** :  
y’all can call me alien ig  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
alien?  
  
**James Charles** :  
my usual username is alienfucker69  
  
**ima slut** :  
i-  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
holy shit thats beautiful  
  
**James Charles** :  
ikr (╯✧▽✧)╯  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
however  
i’m calling you james charles  
  
**James Charles** :  
...  
i’ve been called worse.  
  
**ima slut** :  
like what?  
  
**James Charles** :  
you dont wanna know  
  
**ima slut** :  
ok...  
oh btw guys  
i created new channels  
so like we have the setters channel, libero channel, wing spiker channel, middle blocker, captain, ace- etc  
you get it  
  
**James Charles** :  
OOOH  
  


* * *

  
  
**_30 March, 2012: Setter Chat_**  
**James Charles** :  
this is a boring name  
_@ima slut_ can u give me admin pls  
  
**ima slut** :  
can i trust u?  
  
**James Charles** :  
what can i even do with admin  
ban people?  
why would i wanna do that  
im here cuz i have no friends  
  
**ima slut** :  
...  
i mean you could hack into the system and get everyone’s addresses  
  
**James Charles** :  
what makes you think im smart enough for that  
  
**ima slut** :  
fair enough  
you have admin now  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
its not that hard to hack a discord server actually  
i can teach you  
  
**✎ James Charles changed the channel name:** ** _Pretty Setter Squad_** _  
_  
**James Charles** :  
...  
well now you know who not to give admin to  
  
**ima slut** :  
im scared  
  
**James Charles** :  
anyway  
_@everyone_  
if you’re a setter say I  
  
**cash** :  
... I?  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
I  
  
**why am I here** :  
who pin-  
oh  
I  
_@R3fr3shing_ is also a setter  
  
**time to die children** :  
i’m also a setter  
  
**ima slut** :  
middle blocker for life  
  
**James Charles** :  
no one asked for ur opinion  
anyway  
goodbye slut it was nice meeting you  
only setters are allowed here now  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
...  
he says that you’re a bitch  
but he’ll let it go this time  
  
**James Charles** :  
thanks gwumpy cat-chan  
but i can see him spamming in the main chat  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
he says he’ll find you  
and kill you  
  
**James Charles** :  
...  
was that a taken reference  
  
**why am I here** :  
what’s taken  
  
**James Charles** :  
not me-  
wait  
hang on  
OMG  
I CAN CHANGE MY USERNAME  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
that is so much better  
  
**cash** :  
that is so much worse  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
凸ಠ益ಠ)凸  
its better than cash  
  
**cash** :  
I’m going back to the main chat.  
  


* * *

  
  
**_30 March, 2012: Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_ ** **ima slut** :  
AND THEN HE CHANGED THE SETTINGS SO ONLY PEOPLE WITH THE SETTER ROLE CAN GO INTO THE CHAT  
I FEEL BETRAYED  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
its ok bro  
im here for you  
  
**➞ A wild Questioning Insanity™ appeared!** **  
** **  
** **Questioning Insanity™** :  
...  
  
**ima slut** :  
OOOOOOOH  
HIIIII  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
I feel like I’m going to regret this but hi  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
OOH NEW PERSON (´ ∀ ` *)  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
... hello?  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
HI  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
...  
what’s with the username-  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
its a damn great username stfu  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
ok-  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
bro  
you should’ve seen  
he used to be james charles  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
STOP USING MY DARK PAST AGAINST ME  
i’ve made mistakes  
  
**cash** :  
You literally just changed your username  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
but it’s still in the past  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
he isn’t wrong  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
im glad you’re on my side  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
I feel like if I knew you irl I would’ve committed dead by now  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
i  
am  
wounded  
</3  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
Good  
  
**ima slut** :  
OOF  
THATS DAMAGING  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
Was that  
An UnstoppableLuck reference  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
where did you come from-  
  
**ima slut** :  
YES  
did you watch unstoppable luck too?!  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
bro  
_@i’m gay_ and i watched him religiously  
  
**ima slut** :  
SAME  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
wouldn’t it be a shame if  
he were to  
y’know  
disappear one day  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
👁👄👁  
that doesnt sound threatening at all  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
i am an innocent child what can i say  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
i dunno about that  
you seem like the person who writes smut in their free time  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
what’s smut  
  
**cash** :  
No.  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
??  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
its-  
  
**cash** :  
NO.  
_@R3Fr3Shing_ help me.  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
what  
i’m at a friends house  
whats going on  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
_@certified dumbass_ doesn’t know what smut is  
  
**cash** :  
and Fucker was about to tell him  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
I WAS NOT  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
you were.  
  
**ima slut** :  
HE SWORE  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
...  
_@alienfucker69_ im gonna make this quick  
but if you even dare tell him  
i will hack this server  
i will find your address  
and i will make sure you regret it  
understood?  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
...  
yes  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
don’t you dare underestimate me.  
ANYWAY  
i’m gonna go eat some hot pot!  
  
**ima slut** :  
...  
scary  
  
**cash** :  
You heard him.  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
i told you it wasnt that hard to hack the server  
  
**ima slut** :  
you know what  
SHUSH  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
the question is though  
how do _you_ know what smut is?  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
...  
  
**i’m gay** :  
OHHHHHHH  
ROASTEDDDDD  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
where did you guys even come from-  
  
**i’m gay** :  
ur mum’s vag-  
  
**cash** :  
No.  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
you probably write fanfictions about you and your crush and post it on WhatPad  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
...  
no i dont...  
idk wym  
  
**cash** :  
Liars often use acronyms when they’re feeling nervous while texting.  
Liar.  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
shut the fuck up  
  
**cash** :  
:)  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
how did we go from unstoppableluck to smut  
damn i love this chat already  
  
**ima slut** :  
well yeah  
but we’re yet to have everyone online at the same time :(  
_@everyone_  
come here  
im lonely  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
im here  
  
**ima slut** :  
not you  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
...  
so mean  
( ಥ ʖ̯ ಥ)  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
...  
wait  
_@i’m gay @what if I’m the monster?_ _  
_  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
?  
  
**i’m gay** :  
?  
  


* * *

  
**_30 March, 2012: Not Dumbasses™_**   
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
IS  
ALIENFUCKER69  
  
**i’m gay** :  
holy shit  
HOLY SHIT  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
help me out whats going on  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
ALIENFUCKER69 IS OIKAWA  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
...  
Oikawa Tooru?  
like seijoh oikawa tooru?  
like ‘you should’ve come to shiratorizawa’ oikawa tooru?  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
YES  
LIKE  
HOW DID I NOT SEE IT SOONER  
  
**i’m gay** :  
HOLY FUCK  
WE’RE DUMBASSES  
  
**✎ i’m gay changed the channel name:** **_Actually Dumbasses™_ ** **_  
_ **   
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
HOLY SHIT  
CAN I TELL WAKATOSHI  
PLEASE  
PLEASE  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
NO  
  
**i’m gay** :  
NO  
WE HAVE TO KEEP THE P E A C E

PRESERVE YOUR IDENTITY  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
BUT WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY SAY IT  
  
**i’m gay** :  
THEN DON’T ACCIDENTALLY SAY IT  
OUR JOB  
IS TO KEEP THE ✨MYSTERY✨  
WE’RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP THE READERS AT EDGE  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
...  
readers?  
  
**i’m gay** :  
never mind  
WE JUST GOTTA KEEP DOING WHAT WE’RE DOING AND EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT  
GOT IT  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
yessir  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
yessir  
  
**i’m gay** :  
:)  
  


* * *

  
“Are you all good?” Daichi asked as he and Suga started packing the dishes away. “You’ve been staring at your phone weirdly the entire time, if you have somewhere to be it’s okay, I won’t hold you up.” ‘It’s okay if you don’t want to hang out with me’ was left unsaid.  
  
“No, sorry,” Suga said, putting his phone into his pocket. “Just some of my friends wouldn’t stop texting me and it was getting kind of annoying.” He laughed awkwardly, finishing washing a plate.  
  
_Aren’t we friends?_ _Why don’t we text?_ “Nah, it’s all good.” Daichi laughed, putting a plate into a cupboard. “Thanks for coming over, okaa-san definitely looked much happier. She hasn’t smiled a real smile in a while.”  
  
Suga hummed. “How’s she holding up by the way? I know it’s been hard but she seems to be going well.”  
  
Daichi shrugged. “As well as it can be. I mean, oyaji works basically all day now, I hear him walk in at night but he’s gone by the time I wake up in the morning. Okaa-san’s physiotherapist comes in twice a week to help her out but I think she gets lonely sometimes.”  
  
“As can be expected.” Suga sighed, finishing the last plate. “Have you been spending time with her?”  
  
“Yeah, but since school starts soon and club activities will be resuming, I’m afraid she’ll be lonelier since I’m not here.” Daichi sighed. “But oh well, I’m sure things will get better eventually.”  
  
Suga smiled softly at him. “Take care of yourself, okay, Daichi?”  
  
Daichi chuckled. “Of course, mother.”  
  
Suga playfully pouted at him. “Anyway, I’ve got to get going, see you around.” He smiled, drying his hands off with a cloth and walking over to the entrance to put his shoes on. Daichi followed him.  
  
“Suga’s leaving now okaa-san!” He called out. He heard his mother yell goodbye in return and turned to Suga, giving him a small wave as the silver haired boy walked out of the house.  
  
When he was out of sight, Daichi returned to where his mother was sitting on the couch.  
  
“He’s a nice boy, that Suga.” His mother smiled, switching the channel on the television.  
  
“I know.” Daichi replied, pulling his phone out and taking a seat beside his mother.  
  


* * *

  
**_30 March, 2012: Volleyball’s Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_ ** **certified dumbass** :  
guys  
if you were a serial killer  
what would your signature move be  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
ooh umm  
i’d say cut their stomachs open and let their guts spill onto the ground :’)  
  
**ima slut** :  
i-  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
i was gonna say i’ll give them a flower of some sort but ok-  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
purple hyacinth vibes  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
whats that  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
its a comic  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
oh  
ok  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
my signature move would be carving whiskers on their face with a knife and a heart on their collarbone after i kill them ^^  
  
**cash** :  
Why are you all like this?  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
if i ever become a killer just remember that i wont kill any of you guys  
unless you ask me to  
then yes  
i will  
  
**cash** :  
That’s very reassuring.  
  
**i’m gay** :  
when i become a killer, i want you to know that i dont know anyone’s addresses except for @ _hi gay I’m dad_ so you’re all safe for now  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
_when_ i become a killer  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
_for now_  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
why me?  
  
**i’m gay** :  
because i love u  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
aww babe  
<3  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
PDA  
disgusting  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
I hate to agree  
but I agree  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
my heart  
</3  
  
**I like balls** :  
_@gwumpy cat_ you read Purple Hyacinth?  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
...  
does balls guy read it too  
  
**I like balls** :  
I am quite a fan.  
My friend recommended it to me.  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
:0  
this is  
ok  
wow  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
I’VE READ IT TOO!  
i simp for Kieran UwU  
  
**I like balls** :  
Kieran is very attractive.  
He would be a good ally to have on a volleyball team.  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
of course you’d think that  
  
**I like balls** :  
What is that supposed to mean?  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
nothing  
just  
nothing  
  
**I like balls** :  
...  
Ok.  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
ugh  
you remind me of someone i hate  
  
**I like balls** :  
Really?  
I can’t think of anyone who hates me...  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
Definitely reminds me of someone I have the displeasure of knowing.  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
i’m sure that person wouldn’t appreciate you shit talking them behind their back >:(  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
im not shit talking  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
sure.  
  
**thighs** :  
hey guys  
is it  
normal  
to want to kiss your friend  
  
**ima slut** :  
OOOH  
DOES THIGHS  
HAVE A CRUSH  
  
**thighs** :  
...  
no?  
maybe?  
idk  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
SPILL THE TEA SIS  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
please never say that again  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
say what?  
spill the tea?  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
YES SPILL THE TEA  
_@everyone_  
THIGHS IS GONNA SPILL THE TEA  
  
**why am I here** :  
who spilt tea?  
the americans?  
  
**time to die children** :  
hamilton vibes  
  
**why am I here** :  
YOU’VE SEEN HAMILTON?  
  
**time to die children** :  
y e s  
  
**why am I here** :  
this is a conversation we’re having another time  
meanwhile  
SPILL THE TEA THIGHS  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
i heard tea  
o-o  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
gay and i are here, we’re on my screen  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
you two know each other irl?  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
we’ve been through this  
yes  
we do  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
GUYS SHUSH  
I WANT THE TEA  
  
**cash** :  
...  
He used caps.  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
sorry  
i love tea  
i watch tea spill on youtube  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
SOTP TALKIGNKJKEK  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
sotp lmao  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
:(  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
oh shit  
im sorry  
i didnt mean to  
hello  
are you there  
IM SORRY  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
good job, you just made him sad  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
I WAS JOKING  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
its all g  
i just had to call a friend  
ANYWAY  
SPILL  
_@thighs_  
  
**thighs** :  
sorry i got tired of the chaos  
ANYWAY  
so  
uhm  
my friend came over today right  
and i was like  
ok this is normal  
but when we were eating  
his hand kept brushing mine  
and i was like  
ok this is normal  
and then we were cleaning the dishes  
i noticed he kept checking his phone  
and i was like: oh shit he doesnt want to talk to me does he  
and then he said he was talking to a friend  
and i was annoyed??  
and then  
he left and my mother told me he was a nice boy  
which he is  
but then i was like  
‘i know??’  
I JUST  
DON’T KNOW??  
  
**ima slut** :  
woah  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
HAH  
you gay  
  
**thighs** :  
am i?  
ive never thought about it  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
as the CEO of closeted gays  
yes  
youre gay  
  
**thighs** :  
but i’ve found girls attractive?  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
bi then  
  
**ima slut** :  
so  
you’re gay too?  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
pan  
but yes  
i like boys  
and i am a boy  
  
**thighs** :  
i just told my mum i think that im gay  
and she said ‘i know’  
i-  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
AKSHFJEHGJEJ OMG STAN  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
WHAT A QUEEN  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
WE LOVE A SUPPORTIVE MOTHER  
  
**ima slut** :  
i love that for you  
_@alienfucker69_ you said youre closeted?  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
i sure hope so  
  
**cash** :  
Will you ever come out?  
...  
asking for a friend  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
he didn’t use caps  
  
**cash** :  
Please be quiet.  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
i dont think so  
no  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
why?  
if you dont mind us asking  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
i mind :)  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
o  
ok  
  
**ima slut** :  
anyone else here LGBTQ+?  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
idk what i am  
but there’s this guy  
that i might be interested in  
maybe  
idk yet  
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :  
gay and i are gay-  
yeah i feel like everyone knew that already  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
we definitely did.  
i’m bi  
  
**ima slut** :  
same  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
im a monster  
jk  
pan  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
ayeeeee (☞≧ヮ≦)☞  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
ayeeeeeeeeee (☞≧ヮ≦)☞  
  
**cash** :  
bi  
  
**time to die children** :  
gay and definitely not european  
  
**why am I here** :  
omg i love you  
also gay  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
never thought about it  
never had a crush  
  
**ima slut** :  
gay  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
pretty sure gay  
but i’ve only ever liked one person in my life  
so yeah  
  
**ima slut** :  
oooh who  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
...  
a friend.  
  
**ima slut** :  
boring  
how about you _@I like balls_ _  
_  
**I like balls** :  
Was my username not enough of an indication?  
  
**why am I here** :  
holy shit  
he knew  
he isnt as innocent as i thought  
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :  
thot  
  
**I like balls** :  
What’s a thot?  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
i think my friend once said it was someone that you think is very thoughtful  
  
**I like balls** :  
Ohh.  
I see.  
You’re all thots for being so supportive.  
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :  
*CHOKES*  
  
**why am I here** :  
I stand corrected.  
  
**cash** :  
...  
_@ima slut_ _  
_  
**ima slut** :  
ye  
who pinged  
  
**cash** :  
Permission to have admin, please.  
  
**ima slut** :  
uh  
ye sure  
why not  
ur sane anyway  
  
**cash** :  
Thanks.  
  


* * *

  
**_30 March, 2012: Sane People Only_ **   
**cash** :  
Only sane people will be allowed in this chat  
_@everyone_  
Say ‘I’ if you’re sane.  
  
**thighs** :  
I?  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
I.  
please i need somewhere to hide from this insanity  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
the irony.  
im not sane but im better than the people out there  
  
**cash** :  
Valid.  
I’ve given you all the ‘Sane Person’ role.  
I will remove that role if you prove to be insane, so please be cautious.  
  
**thighs** :  
your immaculate grammar is scaring me.  
  
**cash** :  
Good.  
  


* * *

  
**_30 March, 2012: Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_ ** **ima slut** :  
hey guys  
  
**certified dumbass** :  
nani  
  
**ima slut** :  
i think  
the author has finished introducing everyone  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
the author?  
  
**ima slut** :  
do you know what this means  
  
**alienfucker69** :  
no?  
  
**i’m gay** :  
OH  
I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS  
  
**I like balls** :  
What does it mean?  
  
**i’m gay** :  
IT MEANS THAT THE AUTHOR SHOULD FUCKING SLEEP BECAUSE ITS 1AM AS SHE’S WRITING THIS AND HER SLEEP SCHEDULE IS ALREADY FUCKED UP AS IT IS  
  
**ima slut** :  
omg  
you know the author too  
  
**i’m gay** :  
shh  
  
**gwumpy cat** :  
im confused  
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :  
we all are  
  
**ima slut** :  
anyway  
as much as what you said is true  
she isnt gonna listen  
HOWEVER  
the true meaning  
is that the angst  
is about to begin  
  
**i’m gay** :  
YEEE HAW BITCHES  
LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That serial killer conversation actually happened by the way, here’s how it went:
> 
> Jely: guys if you were a serial killer what would be your signature move  
> Me: ooh umm, I’d say cut their stomachs open and let their guts spill onto the ground :’)  
> Jely: I- I was gonna say give them a flower of some sort but okay  
> Alina: My signature move would be carving whiskers on their face with a knife and a heart on their collarbone after i kill them ^^  
> Jely: if I ever become a killer just know I won’t kill any of you guys unless you ask me to  
> Me: When I become a killer I want you guys to know that I only know Ako’s address so everyone else is fine
> 
> Next Time:  
> thighs:  
> isnt it kinda cliche tho  
> being lovesick  
> while texting
> 
> certified dumbass:  
> idk what ur talking about  
> im lovesick while texting all the time
> 
> alienfucker69:  
> mood  
> and also its not that cliche  
> you know what’s more cliche though?  
> COFFEESHOP AUS.  
> BUT I CANT STOP READING THEM  
> I STAYED UP UNTIL 5AM LAST NIGHT READING THEM  
> I AM FUNCTIONING ON FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE
> 
> Questioning Insanity™:  
> I don’t think that’s very healthy.
> 
> alienfucker69:  
> nobody asked for ur opinion Insanity
> 
> gwumpy cat:  
> Y’ALL STFU  
> I NEED MORE TEA ON THIGHS’ SITUATION
> 
> R3Fr3Shing:  
> LANGUAGE
> 
> hi gay I’m dad:  
> holy shit he swore
> 
> R3Fr3Shing:  
> WHAT DID I JUST SAY
> 
> i’m gay:  
> he used caps :0
> 
> what if I’m the monster?:  
> i like tea too ^^
> 
> why am I here:  
> why am i here.


	3. In Which There Is Plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said angst was coming? Yeah, it begins. Also, I’m sorry that this is mostly storyline, the next chapters will have more chatfic!
> 
> I would like you all to know that I in fact have a calendar from 2012 here to make sure all my dates are right. Praise me for my effort 😤. Jkjkjk, it’s all g. I hope it’s also obvious that this is the daisuga arc.

The next time Daichi saw Suga, he was on his morning run the day before school began. The cherry blossom trees were starting to bloom, but it seemed like there would be at least another week until they reached full bloom. Daichi sighed, that meant that people would start confessing to each other under the trees, hoping that it’d give them good luck.  
  
As much as Daichi loved romantic things, he found it a little embarrassing to confess to someone in public under a cherry blossom tree. (Especially if they ended up rejecting your confession.)  
  
“You look like you’re in deep thought.”  
  
Daichi jumped, looking down to see Suga grinning at him, face inches apart. He felt his cheeks flush. “How long have you been there for?” He asked, realising he was probably a little too forward with his response.  
  
“I just saw you spacing off and wanted to see what you were up to.”  
  
“I was just on my morning run, how about you?” Daichi said, looking at the grey haired boy again. Judging by his outfit - which was a simple light blue shirt and dark sweatpants partnered with black running shoes - he was probably out for the same reason as Daichi.  
  
“Same!” Suga exclaimed. “Can I join you? I only just arrived so I haven’t even gotten warmed up yet, though.”  
  
“Yeah,” Daichi replied, “I’ve only done a lap so you’re all good.”  
  
“Yay!”  
  
With that, the two started jogging down the road again. Living in a mountainous area proved useful with increasing their stamina, and they were able to easily run up and down the slopes without slowing down or breaking too much of a sweat. Eventually, they found themselves standing outside the Sakanoshita Store.  
  
“Wanna get a drink real quick?” Daichi suggested when he and Suga stopped running to catch their breaths.  
  
Suga straightened up from his bending position and eyed him mischievously. “And meat buns?”  
  
Daichi let out an exasperated yet fond sigh and shook his head. “Sure, but don’t eat too quickly or else you’re gonna vomit everywhere and I really don’t want that to happen.”  
  
Suga snickered. “What a dad. And you make fun of me for acting like a mother.” He teased, poking Daichi in his ribs.  
  
Daichi shrugged. “Guess that means we’re the parents then.” He froze, not realising that he had said that out loud. Suga seemed to freeze for a moment too before grinning and letting out a laugh.  
  
“Yeah I guess it does.” He said. “But I’m hungry so let’s go get meat buns before I get hangry too.”  
  
The two quickly walked into the store, buying two cans of soda and two meat buns and starting their walk back to where they came from. For the most part, they walked in silence, sans their chewing and gulping noises.  
  
But when their meat buns had been consumed, and their cans discarded in the bin, Suga started a conversation.  
  
“The cherry blossoms will be blooming soon, won’t they? They’re pretty late this year...” He asked, stretching his arms above his head. “Guess that means people will start confessing again, huh?”  
  
Daichi hummed. “Yeah... have you got anyone you wanna confess to?” He stopped and quickly added, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”  
  
Suga laughed and Daichi could feel his stomach do somersaults. “It’s all good- and yeah I actually might... there’s someone I’ve been interested in for a while now.”  
  
 _Oh_ . “Oh really?” Daichi asked, hoping he didn’t sound disappointed. “Who? Why didn’t I know about this?”  
  
Suga shrugged. “I mean, I wasn’t really sure how I felt until a couple days ago when one of my friends admitted he liked someone and I realised I did too. That’s why I didn’t say anything about it.  
  
Daichi tried to ignore the fact that he had avoided the ‘who’ question. _It’s okay if you don’t trust me_ . “Ah, well, I hope it all goes well for you.” He said, smiling. _Because as long as you’re happy, then I’m happy._ _  
_  
“Yeah.” Suga sighed. “I hope it does.”  
  


* * *

  
  
When Daichi got home, his mother was just finishing another session with her physiotherapist, Kiku Watanabe, a middle aged woman who was more than helpful to the Sawamura family.  
  
“Good morning, Watanabe-san.” Daichi greeted her when he walked into the house and saw her packing her belongings up in her case. She wore a simple lab coat and had a stethoscope around her neck. “How was today’s session?”  
  
“Ah, about that,” she said, picking her case up from the ground, “could we talk outside for a moment?”  
  
Daichi felt uneasy but managed to nod, finding himself outside of their house soon after.  
  
“Is there something wrong with her progress?” Daich immediately asked once the door was shut and there was no way his mother would be able to hear outside. “She’s trying her hardest and-”  
  
“Don’t worry, she’s going well.” Watanabe smiled. “In fact, at this rate I think she’ll be able to walk again in a couple months instead of a year. Of course, it won’t be the same as before, but it’ll be much better than being stuck on crutches.”  
  
“Oh, well that’s good.” Daichi said, feeling at least a little better.  
  
“What I wanted to talk to you about was the payments.”  
  
 _Oh. Of course_ . “What about the payments?” He asked.  
  
“You’re behind on a month’s payment.” Watanabe said slowly, as if she was afraid her words would cause Daichi to break. “I understand money is a difficult situation, with everything that’s happened, but at this rate I don’t know how long I’ll be able to be here for.”  
  
“I see.” Daichi said, closing his eyes and taking a breath before opening them again. “I’ll have to speak to my father about it, and I’ll get back to you soon.”  
  
Watanabe nodded, she looked like she was about to leave but she stopped for a moment. “Remember, we’re more than happy to provide financial aid, you just need to ask and I’ll be able to give you a discount. I’ve known your family for years, we’re friends, okay?”  
  
Daichi smiled. “Okay.”  
  
With that, she turned around and started walking to her car which she had parked across the street. Daichi let out a breath and walked back inside his house to see his mother waiting for him.  
  
“What did she need to talk to you about?” She asked when Daichi came in and removed his shoes.  
  
“She just said that you’re doing well with your physio, she said you’ll be able to walk sooner than originally anticipated.” Daichi said. It wasn’t a lie, so he didn’t need to feel guilty, but it wasn’t the truth either.  
  
He watched his mother’s eyes light up and decided the lie was worth it. “Really?” She asked.  
  
Daichi nodded. “Yeah. I’m gonna go get my things ready for tomorrow.”  
  
“Ah, you start school again tomorrow, don’t you?” She asked, turning back to the television. “My baby boy is in his last year of high school, oh I remember when you didn’t even know how to walk.”  
  
Daichi chuckled and shook his head. “I’ll be back down for lunch.”  
  
“Okay!” He heard her voice echo from downstairs.  
  
When he got to his room, he looked up at the clock. It was 10:15am. There was at least two hours until he needed to make lunch so he turned on his computer and looked at the Biscord chat instead.  
  


* * *

  
**_4 April, 2012: Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_** ** _  
_** **R3Fr3Shing** ** _:_** ** _  
_**I’M  
SO  
GAY  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
same  
what’re you simping over  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
okay so like  
there’s this guy i like  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
ooh  
i’m intrigued |´∀｀●)  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
...  
ANYWAY  
so i don’t usually go for a morning run  
but today i did  
and i saw him like  
chilling  
AND THEN  
WE RAN TOGETHER  
AND I PURPOSELY TRIED TO RUN BEHIND HIM  
AND DAMN  
HIS LEG MUSCLES  
I-  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
LMAO  
okay but  
arms > legs  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
what  
no  
legs > arms for sure  
being suffocated by legs is a lot hotter than being suffocated by arms  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
yes but arms mean that you can have a nice strong hand give you back hugs  
and  
they’re so much easier to see  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
but legs-  
as volleyball players-  
legs are everything-  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
WHAT’S BETTER THAN A NICE STRONG SPIKE THO?!  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
A SEXY RECEIVE USING YOUR LEG??  
BADASS AND ATTRACTIVE  
BOOM  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
Oh my god  
I’m losing brain cells here  
  
 **cash** :  
Thank you.  
It was getting kind of awkward reading that.  
  
 **thighs** :  
i’m in a similar situation @R3Fr3Shing  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
oh really?  
  
 **thighs** :  
ye  
there’s this guy i’m into  
but uh  
today  
he said that he was interested in someone else-  
and since the cherry blossoms are blooming  
i think he’s gonna confess-  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
oof-  
  
 **cash** :  
Oh dear.  
  
 **thighs** :  
yeah so i’m kinda regretting not telling him while i had the chance-  
  
 **ima slut** :  
it’s ok bro  
just let all your feelings out  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
^  
  
 **thighs** :  
isnt it kinda cliche tho  
being lovesick while texting  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
idk what ur talking about  
im lovesick while texting all the time  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
mood  
and also its not that cliche  
you know what’s more cliche though?  
COFFEESHOP AUS.  
BUT I CANT STOP READING THEM  
I STAYED UP UNTIL 5AM LAST NIGHT READING THEM  
I AM FUNCTIONING ON FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
I don’t think that’s very healthy.  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
nobody asked for ur opinion Insanity  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
Y’ALL STFU  
I NEED MORE TEA ON THIGHS’ SITUATION  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
LANGUAGE  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
holy shit he swore  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
WHAT DID I JUST SAY  
  
 **i’m gay** :  
he used caps :0  
  
 **what if I’m the monster?** :  
i like tea too ^^  
  
 **why am I here** :  
why am i here.  
  
 **time to die children** :  
i’m never active and this what i come back to-  
i’m scared  
  
 **thighs** :  
 _@gwumpy cat_ there really isn’t any more tea-  
just that i regret my decisions  
but that’s okay  
it’ll get better  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
wow  
optimism  
i could never  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
I-  
Are you okay?  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
no i’m not but thanks for asking !  
  
 **ima slut** :  
👁👄👁  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
HEY HEY HEY  
SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW  
ARE Y’ALL READY?  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
y’all  
  
 **i’m gay** :  
y’all  
  
 **what if I’m the monster**?:  
y’all  
  
 **I like balls** :  
What’s wrong with saying y’all?  
My uncle says it all the time.  
  
 **what if I’m the monster?** :  
does ur uncle live on a farm?  
  
 **I like balls** :  
... yes?  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
holy shit  
  
 **i’m gay** :  
FARM BOYYYYYYYYYYYY  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
okay but ngl  
i’m not ready for school  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
i don’t think any of us are  
  
 **ima slut** :  
that means we won’t be able to go on biscord as often :((  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
just use your phone during class  
i do it all the time  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
NO  
  
 **thighs** :  
NO- PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR TEACHERS  
  
 **ima slut** :  
oh no  
you made mum and dad angry  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
shut up  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
okay  
i know dad said not to say what school we go to and shit  
but can we at least say what prefecture we’re from?  
  
 **thighs** :  
...  
i mean  
prefectures are pretty large- so it’s okay?  
what do you think _@R3Fr3Shing_  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
i don’t see why not  
that means we can see if we can meet each other!  
  
 **ima slut** :  
omg  
we can have like  
a big meetup  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
HELL YEAH  
i’m tokyo btw  
  
 **ima slut** :  
OMG  
BRO  
I’M TOKYO TOO  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
BRO  
  
 **ima slut** :  
BRO  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
...

@ _i’m gay_ they’re stealing our drift 

… our _tokyo_ drift  
  
 **i’m gay** :

AYEEEEEEEEEEE

love fast and furious

but i can’t believe you done this  
we’re miyagi btw  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
... i’m miyagi  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
Fuck.  
Miyagi.  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
WOAH MIYAGI??  
  
 **thighs** :  
... miyagi...  
  
 **I like balls** :  
Miyagi.  
  
 **what if I’m the monster?** :  
miyagi ;)  
  
 **why am I here** :  
... miyagi?  
  
 **time to die children** :  
holy shit  
how many miyagi’s are in here  
i’m also miyagi  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
👁👄👁  
tokyo.  
  
 **cash** :  
Tokyo.  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
the diversity in here is ✨astronomical✨  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
Ew.  
You watch tik tok.  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
well you must’ve watched it too if you understood that reference  
  
 **thighs** :  
what’s tik tok?  
  
 **i’m gay** :  
WHAT  
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW  
YOU BOOMER  
  
 **ima slut** :  
it seems that the author has forgotten that this is set in 2012 again  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
can you please stop talking about this author shit  
it’s annoying  
it’s like we’re in a fanfic or something  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
do you read fanfics? (´ ∀ ` *)  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
...  
no.  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
OMG YOU DO  
WHAT WEBSITE?  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
...  
all of them.  
  
 **ima slut** :  
wtf  
dedication  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
WHATS UR USERNAME  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
...  
hurr1cane_katrina  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
...  
pls say sike rn  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
??  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
WAIT _YOU’RE_ KATRINA?  
  
 **time to die children** :  
i was having fun lurking but  
OMG  
I LOVE UR FANFICS  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
BRUH  
WE COLLABED  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
...  
golden-gaytime?  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
YES  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
holy shit  
  
 **time to die children** :  
ALMDJSJVJEK  
YOU GUYS  
WROTE THAT VAMPIRE AU  
HOLY SHIT  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
YOU’VE READ IT?!  
  
 **time to die children** :  
YES  
IT WAS SO GOOD  
  
 **ima slut** :  
i’m sorry i’m lost  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
hi lost i’m dad  
  
 **thighs** :  
isn’t that supposed to be my joke?  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
...  
i was never here  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
wait...  
vampire au-  
do you mean Midnight?  
  
 **time to die children** :  
YES MIDNIGHT  
WERE YOU TEAM CAKECOB OR TEAM BEDWARD  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
bedward for life  
i mean it was end game  
  
 **time to die children** :  
um excuse you  
cakecob was there for beela since the beginning  
still salty about the ending  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
it wasn’t my idea  
i wanted to have beela abducted by aliens and have cakecob save her  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
and that’s a shit idea because aliens don’t exist  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
...  
excuse me?  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
you’re excused.  
they’re not real.  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
YOU  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
...  
...  
he’s been typing for over five minutes is he okay  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
i think he died  
  
 **cash** :  
I think he’s writing an essay.  
  
 **gwumpy cat** :  
this’ll be good  
  
 **time to die children** :  
omg i’m finally gonna see my fave author in action  
this is exciting  
  
 **why am I here** :  
wow.  
you’re a fanboy-  
  
 **time to die children** :  
yes  
i am  
  
 **thighs** :  
...  
he’s still typing  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
this is suspenseful-  
  
 **what if I’m the monster?** :  
wait he’s stopped typing...  
nvm he’s back  
  
 **hi gay I’m dad** :  
i’m getting kinda bored waiting  
wanna make out with me @ _i’m gay_ _  
_  
**i’m gay** :  
sure  
i’m coming to ur house  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
we did not need to know that  
  
 **thighs** :  
i thought you guys weren’t dating?  
  
 **i’m gay** :  
we’re not  
  
 **cash** :  
Fuck buddies?  
  
 **ima slut** :  
omg he swore  
  
 **cash** :  
Why is everyone so surprised at me swearing?  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
you just don’t seem the type...  
actually...  
you remind me of my friend!  
he’s exactly like you!  
  
 **cash** :  
...  
Is that so...?  
What a coincidence...  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
IKR!  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
Why Aliens Are Real - by alienfucker69  
In today’s society, aliens are a commonly spoken subject in which there are differing opinions on. Some people believe that aliens exist, whilst others believe that they are simply a figment of someone’s imagination that grew to be a popular topic in recent culture. However, this is not the case. Aliens are in fact real, and there are many arguments supporting this.  
  
Firstly, mathematically speaking, it is impossible for humans to be the only beings that exist in our universe. The term ‘alien’ is simply used as a way to describe something foreign to humans. For example, a language like Khmer may be alien to a Japanese-speaking person. In terms of space, ‘aliens’ are simply creatures that we do not understand. There is an endless galaxy out there, and we have barely even explored our Milky Way, so what’s there to say there isn’t other life out there? An alien does not need to be a green humanoid creature with three fingers, it may simply be another human from a different planet. In our endless universe, it would be impossible for humans to be the only beings, which is why aliens definitely exist.  
  
Secondly, the idea of aliens has been circulating since around 200 AD. A work written by Lucian of Samosata is about a journey to the moon, and about the life on there. With this idea circulating for so long, surely there has been some sort of evidence of life outside of Earth? It is entirely possible that researchers have seen items in space that are unexplainable, and that is why they were never revealed to the public. With the idea of aliens existing for years, it is highly likely that there is some evidence found that we do not know about.  
  
Finally, due to technological advancements, we have found evidence that life could be sustained outside of Earth if there are the correct resources. As one may know, all an organism needs in order to survive is water. There are multiple planets where the climate is just right enough that water could exist, meaning that it could be possible for life to be sustained on said planets too. However, we are not able to go there because we simply do not have the right technology to get there safely.  
  
Others may argue that the idea of aliens is a childish and stupid thought. However, many people could agree. The idea of aliens is unconfirmed, meaning that people who believe in them are simply curious enough to think outside of the box we call our Earth, and to other planets and what could be on there. Compared to people who believe the Earth is flat, despite there being solid evidence from NASA and numerous space stations, believing in aliens doesn’t seem so bizarre, now does it?  
  
In conclusion, it is entirely possible for aliens to exist. This is because it is impossible for humans to be the only beings existing in our universe, because aliens have been an idea for many centuries, and because there is evidence that life could be supported on other planets. Believing otherwise would not only be close minded, but also foolish. Aliens are a foreign concept to many people, but making the correct steps into the future to see if it really is true could lead to discoveries mankind can only imagine in today’s time.  
  
 **ima slut** :  
holy shit  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
that’s-  
  
 **cash** :  
Bullshit.  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
beautiful-  
  
 **cash** :  
...  
  
 **certified dumbass** :  
I COMPLETELY SUPPORT YOUR CAUSE  
  
 **I like balls** :  
I would like to support you as well.  
You are making some valid arguments.  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
thank you (´ ∀ ` *)  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
Please say sike  
You didn’t just write that entire thing-  
I know you didn’t-  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
um have some faith in me excuse you  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
...  
The resemblance between you and my friend is so uncanny I-  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
i really must meet this friend of yours  
  
 **Questioning Insanity™** :  
no i can barely survive him as it is  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
so mean  
  
 **thighs** :  
...  
that’s a really good essay-  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
aww thank you  
  
 **thighs** :  
...  
um anyway  
i’ve gotta go make lunch  
so i’ll see you guys later  
  
 **R3Fr3Shing** :  
byeeeee  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
byee!  
  
 **cash** :  
Bye.  
  


* * *

  
  
Daichi walked down the stairs and started preparing some sandwiches for him and his mother to eat for lunch. Whilst doing so, the door suddenly swung open and he was met with his father instantly taking his shoes off and haphazardly tossing them away. Daichi noticed his mother peering from over the couch and decided to speak up.  
  
“Uh, you’re home early today.” He said quietly, stopping cutting the vegetables so he wouldn’t accidentally cut himself.  
  
“I quit my job.”  
  
Daichi froze, he almost missed what he had said because he was speaking at barely a whisper but at the same time it seemed to echo in his ears like a bell chiming. “You what...?”  
  
His father ignored him and walked to their bedroom. Daichi immediately dropped everything he was doing and removed his apron, ignoring his mother’s stares as he walked into his parents’ room. His father was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the ground.  
  
“Why?” Daichi said, whispering to make sure his mother couldn’t hear.  
  
“That bitch-” His father growled, clenching the bedsheets in his hand. “That bitch that called herself the CEO refused to promote any of us because she believed that none of us were dedicated to our jobs. Does she really think that we spend over ten hours there for no reason? Fuck.”  
  
Daichi stayed by the door, watching his father breathe heavily. He knew that his boss was unfair and thought herself to be superior, but... “So you decided to quit? Even though it was a perfectly decent job that could help us pay the bills?”  
  
“You don’t understand, Daichi.” His father said through gritted teeth. “As an adult, you need to learn where to draw the line, and-”  
  
“We’re behind on the physio bills, did you know that?” Daichi suddenly spoke, his father’s head shot up, looking Daichi in the eye. “She said that okaa-san is making good progress, it would be a shame to stop now. If we don’t pay the electricity bills by next month, we’ll be cut off. Did you know that?”  
  
His father refused to speak, instead bringing his sight back to the ground.  
  
“Of course you don’t. Because you’re never here.” Daichi said, realising he was being too harsh but didn’t bother stopping anyway. “You say that you’ve been working so hard to earn money, and yet we barely have enough to buy groceries every week. If you work so hard, then where’s the money going?”  
  
Daichi took a breath, not realising that his cheeks had become wet. “Don’t act like I’m stupid. I saw the bags while I was cleaning the house out months ago, and I know what cocaine looks like, dad. I told myself that it would get better. That you’d realise and stop...” he brought a hand to his face and rubbed down. “But I guess I was wrong.”  
  
He took a step inside and shut the door behind him. “Let me make this clear, I don’t care if you’re an addict as long as it does not affect our family in any way. If you have extra cash, then go ahead, buy as much cocaine as you can. But when your own damn wife is crippled and your family is barely hanging on? I’ll fucking care then, because that’s all that matters to me.”  
  
“Daichi...”  
  
“Get your act together. Like you said, you’re an adult, right?” He laughed dryly. “Surely adults know when to draw the line... right?”  
  
With that, he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He watched his mother jump in her seat but he brushed her off. “I’m going for a run, I’ll buy some meat buns while I’m out and we can eat that for dinner instead.”  
  
With that, he put his shoes on and shut the door behind him, breathing heavily. His street was thankfully empty, and he started running. He ran and ran until his legs ached and begged for him to stop. He ran and ran until he could barely breathe and he was forced to lean against the wall of the sidewalk for support.  
  
“Daichi?”  
  
He looked beside him and saw Suga. He immediately looked away.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Yeah, sorry,” he said, “I just needed to let off some steam.”  
  
Suga looked at him, clearly not convinced. He held a bag of what Daichi assumed were groceries in his left hand. “Come on, you’re coming to my house and you’re going to take a shower.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“I’m not taking no for an answer.” His tone had a finality to it that Daichi couldn’t argue with. He sighed and obliged, following Suga to his house which was only a couple minutes walk.  
  
“My parents are at work so you just go take a shower, I’ll bring you some clothes soon.” Suga said when they walked into the house. Daichi simply nodded and removed his shoes.  
  
He pulled his phone out and realised it was dead. “Hey, is it okay if I charge my phone here?”  
  
Suga nodded. “There’s a charging port right there.” He said, pointing to a table behind Daichi.  
  
Daichi immediately plugged in his phone and made his way to the bathroom. He had been to Suga’s house numerous times and knew where basically everything was at this point. He removed his clothes and turned the water on, stepping in and letting out a sigh. The warm water helped soothe his aching muscles, but he couldn’t help but wonder why the water suddenly tastes so salty.  
  


* * *

  
  
Suga took a seat on the couch, melting into the soft pillows. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He knew that Daichi was the type of person who liked to take responsibility for everything as though to not trouble other people, but this was getting out of hand.  
  
If someone asked him, Suga only had one wish on his mind right now. He wished that Daichi would just talk to him. In their first year the two used to tell each other everything and anything, so what had changed? Sure, they were older, but they were still the same people. They were still Daichi and Suga.  
  
His thoughts were cut off by a buzzing sound next to him. He looked beside him to see Daichi’s phone lighting up on the table next to the couch.

  
**Okaa-san** :  
I know you’re probably at Suga’s.  
It’s okay, stay there for the night, but leave early in the morning because you have school, okay?  
Love you.

  
  
Suga smiled to himself, glad that Daichi’s mother was a loving woman who understood her son’s boundaries. He turned the phone off and returned to his thoughts when it suddenly buzzed again.  
  
He looked down and swore his eyes widened almost comically.

  
**_Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_** **alienfucker69** :  
i’m so horny  
  
 **ima slut** :  
wtf  
did not need to know that  
  
 **alienfucker69** :  
WAIT SHIT  
WRONG CHAT  
I’M SORRY

  
Suga pulled out his phone from his pocket and looked at the exact same notification that had come up on his.  
  
“What. The. Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me at 1am: okay, I’m just gonna write a small paragraph on why aliens exist for this fanfic  
> Also me: *writes a whole damn essay*  
> Me: my hand slipped. :’)
> 
> Next Time:  
> ima slut:  
> first day of school…  
> time to die
> 
> gwumpy cat:  
> i’m already dead.
> 
> certified dumbass:  
> C’MON SCHOOL CAN BE FUN  
> THAT MEANS VOLLEYBALL!
> 
> gwumpy cat:  
> …  
> wellllll
> 
> certified dumbass:  
> YOU DON’T LIKE VOLLEYBALL?
> 
> gwumpy cat:  
> it’s complicated  
> but i gotta get on the train now  
> bye.


	4. In Which There Is An Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Side Chapter 1: The Adventures of the Martha Dumptruck Groupchat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be uploaded on Oikawa's birthday... *looks at the date* I might've procrastinated... a lot... 
> 
> Read the end notes for an explanation for why there's been no chapter, and how things might change from here on out <3

**_29 July, 2020: ???_ ** **_  
_** **ima slut** :  
houston  
we have a problem

  
**i’m gay** :  
oh shit  
waddap

  
**ima slut** :  
the author  
has gone MIA

  
**i’m gay** :  
👁👄👁  
but wait wasn’t she reading fanfics earlier-  
  


**ima slut** :  
AS IN SHE ISN’T WRITING SHIT

  
**i’m gay** :  
dios mio  
is she okay

  
**ima slut** :  
THAT’S WHAT I DON’T KNOW  
I DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH YOU DIMWIT

  
**i’m gay** :  
wow  
have a snicker  
you’re not yourself when you’re hungry

  
**ima slut** :  
thanks.  
sorry  
I JUST DON’T GET  
WHERE SHE IS  
I’M SEVERELY LACKING SCREEN TIME

  
**i’m gay** :  
excuse you  
you’re like  
in every scene  
i’m not

  
**ima slut** :  
because you’re that forgettable

  
**i’m gay** :  
shit up  
shut*

  
**ima slut** :  
UwU

  
**i’m gay** :  
anyway  
where was she before

  
**ima slut** :  
well  
i thought since the haikyuu manga ended  
she’d come up with some incredible work that beats all of her others  
BUT NO

  
**i’m gay** :  
maybe she was crying in her room?

  
**ima slut** :  
FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT?

  
**i’m gay** :  
don’t you mean two weeks gay

  
**ima slut** :  
ayeeeee

  
**i’m gay** :  
all seriousness  
why did she choose us  
we’re literally the most incompetent here

  
**ima slut** :  
fuck you  
i’m competent...  
not  
but anyway  
does that mean...  
we need...  
someone competent?

  
**i’m gay** :  
...  
hell yes

  
➞ **Welcome, cash. We hope you brought pizza.** **  
**

  
**cash** :  
Oh dear.

  
**ima slut** :  
AY YO  
WE NEED YOUR HELP CASH

  
**cash** :  
What do I get out of this?

  
**i’m gay** :  
straight to business huh

  
**cash** :  
Gotta know what you’re getting into.

  
**ima slut** :  
uhhh  
you get rights to break the fourth wall?

  
**cash** :  
Why would I want to do that?

  
**ima slut** :  
because it’s fun...?  
plus you’re the only one here that i know is competent enough

  
**i’m gay** :  
wait but  
are you fluent in english

  
**cash** :  
Of course, who do you think I am?

  
**ima slut** :  
i like him

  
**i’m gay** :  
ew  
pls no  
i already have plans

  
**ima slut** :  
huh?

  
**i’m gay** :  
nothing  
so cash  
you willing to translate for us

  
**cash** :  
?

  
**ima slut** :  
okay so  
do you hear that voice in your head  
it’s really whiny  
annoying  
and won’t shut up?

  
**cash** :  
...  
My conscience?

  
**i’m gay** :  
did you just call your conscience annoying...?

  
**ima slut** :  
NO  
LIKE  
IT’S FEMALE  
AND SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER PERSON

  
**cash** :  
...  
the one that just said ‘suck my dick’?

  
**ima slut** :  
YES  
THAT ONE  
also fuck you  
you don’t have a dick

  
**cash** :  
they said to suck their strap on

  
**i’m gay** :  
👁👄👁  
mY iNnOcEnCe

  
**cash** :  
they said that they don’t want to talk to you

  
**ima slut** :  
PLEAAAAAASE

  
**cash** :  
‘no’

  
**ima slut** :  
PRETTY PLEAAAAAAAASE

  
**cash** :  
‘i knew i’d regret choosing you. i should’ve chosen one of the competent ones’

  
**i’m gay** :  
why _did_ you choose us?

  
**cash** :  
‘it was a mistake.’  
‘i was supposed to make it akaashi and ushijima but my hand slipped’

  
**ima slut** :  
yOU WOULD’VE CHOSEN USHIJIMA OVER US?!

  
**i’m gay** :  
ouch.

  
**cash** :  
‘and then i wanted to make it makki and mattsun but that got messed up’

  
**i’m gay** :  
wow thanks

  
**ima slut** :  
what?

  
**cash** :  
‘now i’m stuck with you two and i decided that this story is crack anyway might as well continue’

  
**ima slut** :  
OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT  
SWITCH BACK  
TO 2012  
OR WHATEVER  
WHAT HAPPENED LAST

  
**i’m gay** :  
suga found out who daichi was  
because somebody sent a chat

  
**ima slut** :  
ALRIGHT  
SWITCH TO WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THAT  
  


* * *

  
**_4 April, 2012: Martha Dumptruck 👁👄👁_ ** **_  
_** **sangwoo’s twin** :  
aight y’all  
we’re gonna rate male celebrities  
like the gay bitches we are

  
**piercingboii** :  
HELL YEAH

  
**alienfucker69** :  
sure why not

  
**melk** :  
huh  
i’m not gay?

  
**alienfucker69** :  
ah yes  
✨denial✨

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
you’ll soon become one of us

  
**piercingboii** :  
o n e  
o f  
u s

  
**melk** :  
...  
can i go now

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
NO  
WE’RE GONNA RATE MALE CELEBS  
AND  
NOBODY CAN STOP ME

  
**melk** :  
...  
mum i’m scared-

  
**piercingboii** :  
LETS FUCKING DO THISSSSS

**sangwoo’s twin** :  
i’m gonna use western celebrities btw  
so y’all might not know who they are

  
**alienfucker69** :  
bet

  
**melk** :  
y am i not supridwd

  
**alienfucker69** :  
...  
japanese pls

**sangwoo’s twin** :  
ANYWAY  
FIRST UP  
Will Smith :3

  
**melk** :  
what will he smith?

  
**piercingboii** :  
omg

  
**alienfucker69** :  
istg  
anyway  
6/10. he doesn’t look that bad

  
**piercingboii** :  
same here, he looks like he could be decent and nice

  
**melk** :  
👁👄👁

  
**alienfucker69** :  
great answer, 11/10

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
aight then  
NEXT UP  
his son  
Jaden Smith

  
**piercingboii** :  
3/10  
he looks depressed

  
**alienfucker69** :  
he looks like he would silently judge people

  
**melk** :  
i thought we were doing attractive celebrities?

  
**piercingboii** :  
OH SHITTTT  
SHOTS FIREDDDD

  
**alienfucker69** :  
okay but same tho

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
iM gEttIng ThEre  
NEXT  
young leonardo dicaprio

  
**melk** :  
11/10

  
**piercingboii** :  
i-  
he didn’t even hesitate  
8/10 he cute

  
**alienfucker69** :  
7/10  
not my type

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
iM SORRY?!  
HOW IS LEONARDO NOT YOUR TYPE?  
I-

  
**alienfucker69** :  
i prefer macho guys alright

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
my heart 💔

  
**piercingboii** :  
you have a heart?  
also sis is cancelled

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
aight  
zac efron

  
**alienfucker69** :  
9/10  
FUCKING LOVE ZAC EFRON

  
**piercingboii** :  
sis is uncancelled  
i love highschool musical  
10/10

  
**alienfucker69** :  
DID NOT PEG YOU THE TYPE  
BUT YES  
HSM IS AWESOME

  
**melk** :  
what’s highschool musical?

  
**alienfucker69** :  
oh you disappointing fetus

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
incredible insult

  
**alienfucker69** :  
FUCKING WATCH IT  
YOU UNCULTURED SWINE

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
okay how about  
Taylor lautner

  
**alienfucker69** :  
100/10  
sir 🍆👐🏻

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

  
**melk** :  
what does that mean?

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
... okay nvm keep doing it

  
**alienfucker69** :  
;)

  
**piercingboii** :  
ew  
you like midnight?

  
**alienfucker69** :  
totally not... *cough*  
but since we’re on that topic  
cakecob ftw

  
**piercingboii** :  
i can’t even argue with you

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
i’m so disappointed  
but okay

  
**alienfucker69** :  
DON’T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY LIKE BEDWARD  
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
WELL I’M SORRY THAT MY SHIP WAS ACTUALLY CANON

  
**alienfucker69** :  
BITCH  
CAKECOB > BEDWARD

  
**piercingboii** :  
^^

  
**melk** :  
what’s midnight

  
**alienfucker69** :  
i-

  
**piercingboii** :  
okay melk  
listen up  
midnight  
is this fanfic  
written by these authors on WhatPad  
and it’s basically a love story between a vampire and a werewolf

  
**melk** :  
oh  
ok

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
ANYWAY  
LAST PERSON  
...  
drumroll please

  
**piercingboii** :  
*drumrolls*

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
chris hemsworth.

  
**alienfucker69** :  
♾/10  
MY FUCKING HUSBAND  
I LOVE HIM  
HE COULD THROW ME AGAINST A WALL  
AND I’D JUST APPRECIATE HIS MUSCLES

  
**piercingboii** :  
woah hardcore  
okay but same  
11/10  
sexy bitch  
can act  
and mmm  
i love him too

  
**alienfucker69** :  
HE’S MINE BITCH  
HE MAKES MY HEART RATE GO 📈📈📈📈

  
**melk** :  
he’s a 10/10 for me too  
only because i think he’s good looking  
i don’t even know who he is-  
wait...  
was that gay  
am i gay?  
holy shit  
wait am i gay?  
guys  
was that gay  
was what i said gay  
GAYS  
I MEAN GUYS  
GUYS HELP

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
ah  
watching you suffer is so fun  
but anyway  
why did alien suddenly go real quiet

  
**alienfucker69** :  
fuck me.

  
**piercingboii** :  
how hard?

  
**alienfucker69** :  
gently with a chainsaw

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
what happened?

  
**alienfucker69** :  
i just sent  
i’m so horny  
to the wrong chat  
omfg  
save me

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA  
OMG  
THAT’S PRICELESSS  
WHAT DID THEY SAY

  
**alienfucker69** :  
i’m so embarrassed 👉🏻👈🏻  
my heart 💔

  
**piercingboii** :  
okay but what did they say

  
**alienfucker69** :  
we’re now arguing over which celebrities are hottest

  
**piercingboii** :  
we love that  
but anyway  
while you were gone  
our dear melk here had a revelation  
care to share?

  
**melk** :  
am i gay?

  
**alienfucker69** :  
oh sweetie  
you’ve been gay since day 1

  
**melk** :  
i just asked my mum if i was gay  
she said she thought i already knew  
because i kept talking about one of my senpai’s from middle school that was really really attractive-  
oh i’m gay.

  
**piercingboii** :  
welcome to the club

  
**alienfucker69** :  
well in my case it’s closeted club

  
**melk** :  
okay  
this is  
this is fine  
right?  
RIGHT?

  
**sangwoo’s twin** :  
i think we broke him  
...  
okay so y’all just stop talking when i start talking  
I SEE HOW IT IS  
BITCHES  
  


* * *

  
**_April 4, 2012: First Year Don’t Care_ ** **_  
_** **melk** :  
i’m gay

  
**gremlin** :  
wow  
uhh  
good to know?  
i thought we all were though-

  
**RA RA RASPUTIN** :  
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH HE DIDN’T KN

  
**gremlin** :  
...  
is he dead

  
**melk** :  
YOU MEAN YOU KNEW TOO?

  
**gremlin** :  
well yeah  
it was kinda obvious  
you ranted for 30 minutes straight about why yuzuru hanyu deserved the world

  
**melk** :  
i-  
FUCK YOU BOKE

  
**gremlin** :  
I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANHTHING!

  
**melk** :  
BOKE

  
**gremlin** :  
AAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  


* * *

  
**_29 July, 2020: ???_ ** **_  
_** **cash** :  
So you’re telling me...  
That this is all just a fanfiction?

  
**ima slut** :  
YES  
HOW HARD IS IT TO UNDERSTAND

  
**cash** :  
The voice says you're lying.  
Maybe I’m hallucinating?  
Yeah I’m just hallucinating.

  
**i’m gay** :  
wait  
what’s the voice saying now

  
**cash** :  
It says the side story is over, and that a new update will be coming soon... they think.

  
**ima slut** :  
I BETTER GET MORE SCREENTIME BITCH

**i’m gay** :  
SAME HERE

  
**cash** :  
‘no u’

  
**ima slut** :  
YOU MOTHER-

**← cash left the group.**

**  
**  
**_✎ ??? changed the channel name:_ ** **_i’m aaron burr_ ** **_  
  
_**

**i’m gay** :

nice.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was very self indulgent I apologise but I needed to write it~ Anyway, the ratings were inspired by when I asked my friend to rate haikyuu characters and I put up Atsumu and she said (and I quote) "He's like a 7/10 he doesn't look that bad. He looks decent and nice but at the same time he seems like he would be a goof ball." Oh sweetie-
> 
> ANYWAY! I haven't updated in... two weeks is it? And I have two main reasons. 1) I'm a procrastinator. It's what I do. I write when I wanna write and unfortunately that's not very often because I'm very lazy.  
> 2) School started up again! Y a y. Can you sense my sarcasm? Uh so like, I did go back to physical school for a bit but our corona cases kinda skyrocketed so I'm back to online school and I'm kind of dying over here. At this point, I should be able to continue regular updates, but my teachers loooove to give me a bunch of assignments and tests so I kind of have my hands full for the rest of the term- hnnnnng
> 
> Yeah that's enough of me making excuses. I'm also working on other works that might see the light of day but idk about that yet- uhh yeahhhh STAY SAFE EVERYONE AND I'LL SEE Y'ALL SOON (MAYBE)


	5. In Which Nothing Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I’m back in the city and I’m here to stay and I know what I gotta do... I’m not here for you...
> 
> HI! It’s been what... 2 months? Yeah uh, long story short: school started bombarding me with work and it got really stressful and I needed to choose my priorities and that unfortunately meant having to stop writing. However, today was my last day and I am now on holidays! Which means updates should come regularly again :)
> 
> Uh also this chapter isn’t really good so I’m sorry about that, but once we get back into the groove she’ll be right. And I’ve also gotten really into mcyt and among us, if y’all are into that, hmu on Insta @lunnatix_x <3

**_April 4, 2012: Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_ ** **alienfucker69** :   
i’m so horny   
  
**ima slut** :   
wtf   
did not need to know that   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
WAIT SHIT   
WRONG CHAT   
I’M SORRY   
  
**ima slut** :   
...   
ok.   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
Geez   
What were you talking about in that other chat   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
we were sending pictures of hot guys okay   
and then chris hemsworth came up   
and goddamn   
we all know i’m a sucker for chris hemsworth   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
no we don’t   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
it’s an expression sweetheart   
  
**cash** :   
Is it?   
Not denying though, Chris is beautiful   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
he is more than beautiful   
he is PERFECTION   
  
**ima slut** :   
okay but   
Tom Ellis?   
HE CAN ACT   
AND SING   
SIR   
MARRY ME PLEASE   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
you’re definitely a bottom   
  
**ima slut** :   
no i’m not    
shut up   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
If anything, *you’re* a bottom   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
:0   
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
You wrote an entire essay on why aliens are real.   
Sounds like bottom material to me   
  
**cash** :   
^   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
alright then mr. know it all   
what celebrity do *you* find attractive?   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
Well   
Young Leonardo DiCaprio was pretty cute   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
woah   
  
**ima slut** :   
woah   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
?   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
i   
actually did not expect that-   
  
**ima slut** :   
yeah i was thinking you’d be more into the macho guys   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
...   
okay fair enough.   
But not really.   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
oh?   
and what *is* your type?   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
I guess... pretty boys.   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
again, did not expect that   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
Well people usually take me for the gruff type and expect me to be into something similar   
But in reality I prefer someone who’s softer... and can make me feel soft too. Like someone who trusts me enough to show me their weak side and vice versa so I don’t feel the need to keep up a strong façade in front of them because they like me for who I really am-   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
...   
it disgusts me how much we have in common   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
It’s not like I want to have something in common with you too dipshit   
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :   
why does it sound like you’re speaking from experience   
care to... spill the tea?   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
i heard tea   
  
**ima slut** :   
i swear that’s your summon word   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
:)   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
...   
well   
there’s someone i like- well think i like-   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
now i’m intrigued   
  
**i’m gay** :   
DEFINITELY SPILL THE TEA   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
He definitely doesn’t like me that way though   
So it’s ok   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
that’s what everyone in hanahaki fanfics say   
spoiler they almost always die at the end   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
...   
Was that supposed to be comforting   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
nah   
did you want me to?   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
...   
nvm   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
y’all   
i need help   
  
**cash** :   
Oya?   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
Oya oya?   
  
**ima slut** :   
Oya oya oya?   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
...   
okay uh   
so basically   
i might’ve found out something about one of my friends right...   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
OOH TEA   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
did i hear tea?   
  
**ima slut** :   
istg   
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :   
DON’T SWEAR TO GOD   
THIS IS A CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER   
  
**I like balls** :   
What’s minecraft?   
  
**what if I’m the monster?** :   
...   
i am   
so    
disappointed   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
omg we should make a minecraft server all together   
it can be like   
dream smp   
but way better   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
i love dream    
and that’s great and all   
but tea first   
minecraft later   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
ok-   
so i found something out   
and it’s w i l d   
and now   
i don’t know what to do   
what  _ am _ i supposed to do?   
just like   
pretend i don’t know?   
do i ask him?   
  
**I like balls** :   
Well, firstly, what did you find out?   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
a very big secret   
that might be embarrassing on my end   
  
**cash** :   
Ask him about it.   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
WHAT?   
NO!   
ABSOLUTELY NOT!   
THAT WOULD JUST RAISE SUSPICION    
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
I hate to agree, but I agree   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
wtf do you have against me?   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
... I actually don’t know   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
then what do i do?   
i suck at acting-   
  
**time to die children** :   
Well you could casually drop it into a conversation so he doesn’t feel cornered and it’d be more natural.   
  
**ima slut** :   
when did you get here   
  
**time to die children** :   
i’ve been here the whole time   
i’m *always* here   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
that’s not...   
sinister at all...   
  
**time to die children** :   
time to continue lurking   
:)   
  
**cash** :   
...   
Why am I here?   
  
**why am I here** :   
that’s my line   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
so i just casually drop it in a conversation?   
  
**I like balls** :   
That would probably be the best option, yes.   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
dear lord   
save me   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
amen   
  
**ima slut** :   
we believe in you   
  


* * *

  
  
“Hey, Suga?”   
  
Suga peeled his eyes away from his phone to look up at who had called his name, almost spontaneously combusting when he realised that Daichi was in fact shirtless. He had tied the guest towel around his waist, just low enough that Suga got a good look at his pelvis and his toned abs were prominent against his slightly tanned skin.   
  
_ Fuck _ , Suga thought,  _ I’m so gay. _ _  
_   
“Uh, sorry,” he said, putting his phone face-down on the couch. It seemed that all his worries had miraculously disappeared. “I got caught up with something, I’ll get you some spare clothes.”   
  
He ran down the hallway to his parents’ room, picking out one of his father’s grey shirts and pyjama pants. He handed it to Daichi, making sure to avert his sight so it didn’t look like he was staring - which he totally wasn’t, what do you mean?   
  
“Thanks.”   
  
Suga waited until Daichi had walked back to the bathroom to change before he let out a sigh of relief. He sat back down on the couch - slightly annoyed that he had lost his comfortable position - and turned his phone back on.   
  


* * *

**_4th April, 2012: Volleyballs Bitches 🥩🏐_ ** **_  
_ ** **R3Fr3Shing** :   
Fuck   
I’m actually so gay   
  
**why am I here** :   
welcome to the club   
  
**time to die children** :   
the ouran high school host club ;)   
  
**why am I here** :   
holy fuck i love you   
  
**time to die children** :   
<3    
  
**ima slut** :   
simp   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
HAAAAA SIMPPPPPP   
  
**why am I here** :   
i’m not sure about slut   
but alienfucker   
i bet on my life that you’re like hardcore simp   
  
**time to die children** :   
yeah i see it too   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
1, fuck you   
**  
** **why am I here** :   
how hard   
  
**time to die children** :   
gently with a chainsaw-   
  
**why am I here** :   
Y E S   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
2, i pride myself in being a simp stfu   
  
**ima slut** :   
i aspire to have your confidence    
  
**why am I here** :   
really?   
i feel like you’d be some sort of sex god or something   
  
**ima slut** :   
okay   
i feel i should say   
the username is not accurate   
i am very much a virgin   
  
**time to die children** :   
uh   
i think everyone here is...?   
  
**i’m gay** :   
DOES THIS MEAN THAT THE AUTHOR IS GONNA WRITE SMUT?!   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
did i hear smut?   
  
**ima slut** :   
kat’s summon words: tea, smut   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
:)   
  
**time to die children** :   
how do you get here so quickly   
do you just lurk around   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
nah i just have notifs on   
  
**i’m gay** :   
so no smut?   
  
**ima slut** :   
i think she’s too innocent for that   
  
**i’m gay** :   
...   
we both know that’s a FUCKING LIE-   
  
**time to die children** :   
speaking of smut   
_ @alienfucker69 @gwumpy cat _   
are you gonna put a smut scene in the next instalment of Midnight?   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
👁👄👁   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
👁👄👁   
**  
** **time to die children** :   
:O   
  
**cash** :   
Isn’t this supposed to be a volleyball chat?   
Why is that we literally talk about anything except for volleyball.   
  
**ima slut** :   
i mean we kinda did during introductions   
  
**cash** :   
That doesn’t count.   
  
**why am I here** :   
well i mean the season hasn’t started yet   
hopefully we’ll all be able to meet at nationals :)   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
literally 90% of us are from miyagi   
so that’s not possible   
but we might be able to meet at prelims   
  
**ima slut** :   
i think your math is way off   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
FUCKING NERD   
FINE THEN   
OUT OF THE 14 PEOPLE HERE   
10 OF US ARE FROM MIYAGI   
THATS 71.4285714286%   
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW   
  
**ima slut** :   
lmao   
nerd   
**  
** **certified dumbass** :   
gUYS   
**  
** **time to die children** :   
gays-   
  
**why am I here** :   
marry me.   
  
**time to die children** :   
where and when ;)   
  
**ima slut** :   
what’s up Hoot   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
OKAY SO I HAVE THIS FRIEND RIGHT   
AND THEY’RE FROM OSTRLAIA   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
what-   
  
**cash** :   
Australia.   
  
**ima slut** :   
...   
cash will be our official translator from now on   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
OKAY SO I WAS TALKING TO THEM RIGHT   
which i still don’t understand because they said they’re upside down?? i tried typing upside down it was very hard   
  
**why am I here** :   
oh sweetie.   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
SO WE WERE TALKING   
AND THEN THEY SAID THIS WORD   
‘FOOTY’   
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :   
the fuck is a footy   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
THAT’S WHAT I SAID   
AND THEN THEY SENT ME THIS   
‘instead of feet, we call them footys here in australia’   
  
**i’m gay** :   
oh   
that makes sense   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
okay yeah right but i was really confused   
and i was like ‘HUHHH? WHAT?’   
and they were like ‘INSTEAD OF FEET- WE CALL THEM FOOTYS, WHAT’S SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND’   
AND I WAS LIKE: WHY?!   
AND THEY WERE LIKE ‘WHY NOT?!’   
AND THEN WE CONTINUED YELLING   
AND APPARENTLY   
THEY HAD A PRIME MINISTER WHO CALLED HIS FEET FOOTYS?   
AND THEN EVERYONE STARTED CALLING THEM FOOTYS?   
IS THIS TRUE?!   
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :   
sounds plausible enough for me   
  
**i’m gay** :   
yeah why don’t you google it   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
I DID   
BUT IT DIDN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING   
SO IDK   
  
alienfucker69:   
it was at this moment when the Volleyballs Bitches chat realised   
that hoot’s nickname is literal.   
  
**cash** :   
I wouldn’t say that.   
You’re not a dumbass, Hoot.   
  
**certified dumbass** :   
aww thank you cash <333   
  
**ima slut** :   
WOAH   
WAIT   
WAS CASH   
JUST NICE?   
  
**cash** :   
I’m a very nice person I don’t know what you mean.   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
not to me </3   
  
**Questioning Insanity™** :   
Nobody is nice to you.   
  
**why am I here** :   
i’ll be nice to you   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
:OOO   
I LOVE YOU   
  
**time to die children** :   
excuse me?   
  
**gwumpy cat** :   
D R A M A   
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :   
_ @i’m gay _ we really need to get our game up   
  
**i’m gay** :   
ikr    
they be beating us   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
i still don’t know if you guys are dating or not   
  
**hi gay I’m dad** :   
bro   
we’ve said this so many times   
  
**i’m gay** :   
we’re not   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
👁👄👁   
why is life so confusing   
  
**ima slut** :   
i ask myself that everyday   
anyway   
where did Refreshing go   
they were the one that started this conversation   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
sorry   
i’m staring at   
some spiker thighs rn   
  
**why am I here** :   
again with the thighs?   
didn’t y’all have a conversation about this before?   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
yep   
and i stand by what i said   
arms >>>>   
  
**R3Fr3Shing** :   
i’m going to pretend you didn’t say that   
and i’m gonna take my leave   
(´｡• ᵕ •｡`)   
BYEEEE   
  
**alienfucker69** :   
OI YOU LITTLE-   
YOU CAN’T JUST-   
  


* * *

  
  
Suga let out a chuckle and turned his phone off, putting it back down on the side table. He walked over to the kitchen and put on a pot of water to boil, grabbing some packets of instant ramen. He could hear the door to the bathroom open, followed by footsteps.   
  
Soon, Daichi was walking over, taking a seat at the kitchen table with a towel around his neck. “Thanks for letting me use your shower.” He said. “What are you cooking?”   
  
“Ramen.” Suga replied, putting the ramen into the pot and leaving it to cook. “Are you alright, by the way? You looked pretty tired out there, did something happen?- was it your mother? Is she okay?”   
  
“My mother... she’s fine. It’s not her.” Daichi muttered uncharacteristically, almost sounding hesitant.   
  
“Alright...” Suga said, dragging out the vowel. “Then who was it?”   
  
Daichi looked up at him, and he kept the gaze, not wanting to back down. Daichi eventually averted his eyes. “It’s my dad. He came home early from work and said that he quit his job. We’re already tight on money as it is and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get a job and-”   
  
“I’m going to stop you right there.” Suga said, raising a brow. “He quit his job? Just like that? No explanation?”   
  
Daichi looked back at him. “He said that their CEO refused to promote any of them and that ‘as an adult, he needed to know where to draw the line.’” He said, using air quotes.   
  
“Even though it was a perfectly good job that helped you guys pay the bills?” Suga asked, watching how Daichi nodded with a slight roll of his eyes. He scoffed. “Bitch.”   
  
He heard Daichi snicker and raised a brow. “No, it’s nothing.” He said waving a dismissive hand. “It’s just that that was my exact reaction. It’s so stupid, isn’t it?”   
  
“Yeah.” Suga scoffed, stirring the noodles around in the pot. “I can understand why you’d be pissed then. What did you tell him?”   
  
“I got mad.” Daichi sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “I yelled at him for always working, never being at home. I told him about how we were behind on some bills, and how we were also behind on payment for physio... then I yelled at him for his addiction and... it’s just a mess.” He buried his face in his hands. “And do you know what’s worse, Suga?”   
  
Suga stayed silent, turning off the heat on the stove.   
  
“He didn’t even look remotely sorry.” Daichi kept his face buried in his hands, embarrassed to have gotten so emotional. “Why does the world hate me so much, Suga? I try my hardest at everything I do, I do things without complaining, I try to see the best in everything... but sometimes it’s just so hard.”   
  
Suga walked around the kitchen counter, walking over to the brunet and wrapping his arms around his neck. He pressed his chest to Daichi’s back and buried his face in his hair. “It’s okay not to be okay, you know?”   
  
He felt Daichi relax against him when he let out a chuckle. “Isn’t that the name of that k-drama you’re watching?”   
  
“Mm.” Suga hummed. “But it’s true. It’s okay to feel sad or like life hates you sometimes. But I hope you know that I’m always here, okay? And if it ever feels like you can’t do it alone, I’m just a phone call away and I will gladly drop everything for you.”   
  
“Yeah.” Daichi whispered. “Thanks, Suga. You’re a great friend.”   
  
“Pleasure.” Suga replied, letting go of Daichi. “I’m gonna finish making ramen now. Your phone is charging on the table, I think you got a message from your mother so you should reply to her.”   
  
Daichi wanted to ask him to hug him again, but decided to just nod instead.  _ Don’t get too greedy. _ _  
_   
He went over to the couch and grabbed his phone, shooting a quick message to his mother.

* * *

  
  
**Me** :   
Ok :)   
I’ll see you in the morning.   
Don’t forget to take your meds.   
xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THREE THINGS!  
> 1) I’m so sorry if this chapter was so lacklustre and short! I’ve been writing it on and off for around two months now, and I just can’t seem to get it right. It didn’t help that school got really busy soon after and it got stressful and aaaaa- again, sorry that I had to take such a long break, I only expected to be gone for a week or so, not months, but I’m hopefully back now!  
> 2) Kenma is a dream team/mcyter stan, dont @ me and  
> 3) I actually did convince some of my friends that Aussies call their feet footys and I don’t know if they still believe that so uh, if you’re reading this, hi! they’re actually not called footys :)


End file.
